How to feel important to others?

Reducing the "significance gap" through understanding the value of oneself and others is the most effective remedy for the pervasive loneliness in the modern world.

In an era where loneliness has become a serious mental health crisis, understanding the sense of being seen and creating value can rebuild lost social bonds.

To quote Rail Simple, “You matter; And on top of that, you have the power to make others feel valued." These two sentences are the central message of the latest book by Jennifer Berhani Wallace, a well-known writer and researcher on social issues, which was published under the title of "Importance".

But what is the exact meaning of this concept? Wallace explains that the importance of having is based on a fundamental human need: the need to feel valued by society and at the same time have the opportunity to positively impact the lives of others. Both dimensions of this concept play a vital role in our mental health.

Wallace believes that today's society is caught in the middle of an "epidemic of loneliness" and the main root of this crisis is a phenomenon called the "significance gap". When people feel that they are not visible and effective in the company of friends, workplace or family, they gradually become frustrated, become isolated and distance themselves from society. This bitter feeling occurs in simple everyday experiences; For example, when managers do not appreciate your efforts, you are not seen in a friendly meeting, or your romantic partner takes your efforts for granted.

Wallace has proposed five practical recommendations to get out of this destructive cycle.

1. Set aside a short time for night meditation

At the end of each working day, take a few minutes to review the events and write down at least one case of your positive impact on the lives of others. This could be shoveling snow in front of an elderly neighbor's house, putting a smile on a tired co-worker's face with a simple joke, or patiently handling a challenging family conversation. Recording these events enhances our inner self-awareness of the impact and value of our existence.

2. Create a file of kind notes

Wallace recommends creating a special box or folder called an "influence file." In this space, keep the messages, letters and thank you cards you have received from colleagues or loved ones over the years. On days when you feel worthless and lonely, re-reading these manuscripts will be a vivid and tangible reminder of your true status with others.

3. Provide accurate and meaningful thanks

Smart appreciation is an important part of establishing a sense of worth in society. Instead of focusing only on the product, focus on the intention of the gift giver. For example, instead of saying, "Thank you for this beautiful dress," say, "Thank you for always knowing my moods and making me happy." The same approach is also effective for consultations; By reporting the result of the consultation to the guide, prove that his time and words were helpful for you.

4. Paying attention to the people you deal with on a daily basis

Creating "spaces of significance" in environments beyond home and work helps to reconstruct human interactions. This space can be a cafe, sports club or neighborhood park. The author recounts a memory of his retired father, who went to a certain restaurant every week, learned the names of the employees and inquired about their living conditions.

When he was absent for a few weeks to take care of his sick wife's mother, the restaurant staff inquired about him and gave him a card with a collective signature to express their sympathy. By paying attention to the surroundings, he had turned the restaurant environment into a social shelter.

5. The visualization of an invisible board on everyone's chest

Wallace suggests a mental challenge: Imagine that every person you meet during the day has an invisible sign around their neck that reads, "Tell me, do I matter?" Answering this silent question with kindness has a two-way reward. Every time we affirm the value of another person, our mind remembers that we are also efficient, needed and valuable human beings. In fact, instilling a sense of importance in those around us is the deepest affirmation of our own worth.