Why Do Parents Treat Each Child Differently?

A psychologist explains why parents behave differently toward their children.

Regarding discrimination and the difference in the way parents treat their children, Gohrisena Anzani said: "The term "differential behavior of parents" can be used instead of the word discrimination, because parents may not treat their two children exactly the same way, but the reason for this difference is not necessarily preferring one child over the other.

He continued: The findings of new research show that individual differences among children, including gender, temperament, personality type, cooperation level, emotional needs and age gap, cause parents to interact with each child in a different way, of course, this issue becomes a serious crisis when this distinction goes beyond the difference in proportion to the child's needs and turns into a difference in the value and amount of love.

Anzani said about the unconscious reasons for the formation of different behaviors: parents experience different conditions with the birth and growth of each child, so that the economic, family, time situation and even the quality of the couple's relationship are not the same when the first, second or third child is born, and all these conditions affect the way they interact with each child.

Also, the child's own mood also plays a decisive role in the parent's behavior. A child who is calmer, more compliant, and more responsible will have a more positive interaction with parents, while a child with challenging behaviors may be more likely to be reprimanded, reprimanded, or controlled, and it is natural for a calmer child to be encouraged and approved more.

This psychologist continued: If a child establishes more psychological harmony with his parents, he may see characteristics in himself that are aligned with the personality values ​​or experiences of the parents, this alignment makes the formation of the relationship easier and as a result, more intimacy or patience is formed in the relationship.

He pointed out that the first children usually have a different position in the family, because the parents are experiencing new learning in the face of them, which usually exerts more control on the first child, but on the other hand, older children may receive more favorable behaviors from their parents and in many cases seem more responsible than others.

Emphasizing that gender and cultural beliefs can also affect parental interactions, Anzani said: Parents' expectations of male and female children may be different, and this issue directly affects the way they deal with their children.

This psychologist continued: sometimes the child may react by distancing, aggressiveness or reducing cooperation with the feeling that he did not receive enough attention or love from his parents. In the meantime, sometimes parents do not realize that these challenging behaviors of the child are a reaction to their own interaction, and for this reason, the cycle of negative behaviors is constantly repeated, so it should be noted that justice in the family does not necessarily mean treating all children the same.

Anzani explained: Justice means that each child should be seen in accordance with their special and unique needs, without feeling that their value or lovability is lower than their siblings, so equality does not mean "absolute equalization", but rather, it means responding accurately to the different needs of each child.