Are You Unintentionally Instilling Fear in Your Children? 8 Behaviors That Increase Their Anxiety
Anxiety is not limited to adults. Research by the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention last May showed that millions of children worldwide suffer from symptoms of anxiety.
Zainab Kamrani: Dr. Khadijah Booth Watkins, a child psychiatrist at Massachusetts General Hospital, explains to HuffPost: Sometimes it can be difficult to accurately define anxiety in children because they express it in different ways depending on their age and language skills and the type of anxiety they are experiencing.
While some children suffer from stomach aches and heart palpitations, others show irritability or overdependence, while others stop participating in activities or interacting with their peers.
Therefore, experts warn about some common and common behavior of parents that can aggravate anxiety in children.
Parental behaviors that aggravate the child's anxiety
Dr. Khadija says: Even if the intention is not to cause anxiety, there are methods that can cause anxiety in children and strengthen it. Among the most important of these are:
1. Encourage your child to avoid: A child suffering from anxiety may avoid situations that trigger their fears in order to find comfort, explains parenting coach Laura Lynn Knight. This behavior may start out subtle, then worsen over time.
Knight gives an example in this case:
* The child feels anxious about going to school.
*He expresses his fear of getting on the bus.
*The child believes that if one of his parents takes him to school, he will feel reassured.
*Even after she drives to school, she finds that her feelings of anxiety are still there.
* The child asks his father or mother to accompany him to the door of the classroom, hoping to reduce his anxiety.
Thus, avoidance leads to increased anxiety and can negatively affect the child's self-confidence. Knight notes that most parents, upon seeing this behavior, tend to automatically help their child avoid what worries them, without realizing that they are perpetuating the vicious cycle of anxiety.
Therefore, the goal is not to eliminate any feelings of discomfort or distress, but to achieve a balance between empathy, understanding and support on the one hand and encouraging and gradually motivating the child to deal with what worries him on the other hand.
2. Trying to hide anxiety: It's okay to talk to your child about your worries, says Khadijah Watkins. If she suffers from anxiety, it may help her to know that she is not alone and that you understand what she is going through. This makes him feel that he does not have to suffer in silence.
Watkins explains: Children are aware of what's going on around them, listen to what we say and monitor our body language. So, when we feel anxious, we can help our children manage their emotions by:
* Do not suppress the feeling of anxiety or pretend that it does not exist.
* Providing a practical model for using adaptation and self-restraint skills.
*Use these moments to talk to them about our feelings in an age-appropriate way.
Dr. Alvin Thomas, assistant professor of human development and family studies at the University of Wisconsin, says, "It's okay to tell your child, for example, that you feel sad because you hoped for something and it didn't happen." This will enrich his emotional vocabulary, teach him how to express his feelings, and provide him with a practical model of what it means to feel frustrated.
3. Neglecting to talk about feelings: Louise Lockhart, a child psychologist, advises parents to encourage their child and give them space to express their feelings of anxiety, tension or nervousness, because they may not be fully aware of what they are feeling or understand what it means.
You can help him in 3 steps:
1. Check the child's feelings based on your observations. For example, say, "You seem unhappy about going into the water." or "Are you constantly pacing because you're afraid to go to class?" or "Are you worried about going to a party without me?"
2. Show that you understand her feelings by saying something like, "I understand how you feel, it's okay. "Some people think like you and need some time."
3. Find a solution together by showing that you are there to support and encourage her. Share with him some of the coping mechanisms you use to deal with your difficult feelings; Like taking a deep breath and planning a fun and enjoyable activity that distracts him a bit without solving the problem for him.
4. Being overly cautious: Too many warnings can actually increase children's uncertainty and anxiety.
When we overprotect our children and repeatedly remind them of possible dangers, we may inadvertently increase their anxiety, explains psychologist and author Jenny Yip.
Instead of repeating phrases like, "Be careful, you're going to fall," it's better to help your child understand clearly and convincingly why the behavior is dangerous.
For example, we can tell him:
* The table is not a place to play or jump up and down.
*The floor is hard and if you fall, you may get hurt.
*This injury may need to go to the emergency room.
"Explaining your arguments logically to your children will enable them to understand the issues and build the confidence they need to make the right decisions," says education expert Christine Gering.
Equipping children with the tools they need to find solutions and face challenges is more helpful than overwhelming them with a list of all the dangers in the world.
5. Praise the results, not the effort: Kenisha McBride, a psychologist at Children's Hospital Boston, explains that encouraging children to achieve academically is important, but it's just as important to praise and appreciate their efforts and remind them that they are loved and valued no matter what. Many children fear that they will disappoint their parents if they are not the best at everything.
Research published by Stanford University in 2007 showed that focusing on effort rather than results helps reduce stress and negative pressures and makes children understand that their worth does not depend on their success and constant excellence.
Therefore, Christian Gering, an education expert, recommends praising the child's effort so that he feels loved and accepted regardless of the result; This increases his sense of security and helps reduce his anxiety.
6. Anxiety and guiding questions: McBride advises parents to resist the temptation to ask repetitive questions about anything they think might be worrying their children, as these questions can intensify their negative feelings or trigger fears they've never thought about before.
For example, when you ask your child, "Are you worried that your close friends won't go on this trip?", the question may suggest that the situation is really stressful.
7. Adopting an authoritarian approach: Louise Lockhart explains that strict rules, yelling, and excessive punishment, in the absence of warmth and lack of communication between parents and children, can increase anxiety. This makes him afraid of making mistakes and losing his sense of security.