Average Age at Divorce Rises Nationwide / 20 to 25% of Children Harmed by Divorce

Global studies show that about 20 to 25 percent of children are harmed as a result of divorce. These harms manifest as weakened health, anxiety, depression, feelings of helplessness, pessimism about the future, a tendency toward substance use, increased vulnerability to child abuse, suicide, child labor, pessimism about marriage, declining performance, dropping out of school, and more.

Despite the vital importance of the family institution, in recent decades, extensive changes have occurred in its type, structure, and function, and the phenomenon of divorce is one of the drivers of this transformation. The available evidence indicates an increase in the divorce rate in many parts of the world, including Iran. Divorce, by weakening the educational and supportive functions of the family, has prepared a platform for psychological and social injuries for children in a way that has been introduced as a stressful and traumatic factor in the literature of this field. Therefore, divorce and its consequences are more than a family event, a social and development issue that ignoring it can bring long-term and large costs in social dimensions, such as increasing social damages and weakening the family and economic institution, such as poverty and deprivation for the children of divorce, and increasing the costs of social services for the government.

According to the announcement of the Research Center of the Islamic Council; In the last few decades, divorce has been on the rise in many countries, and as a result, the number of children of divorce has increased. In some countries, statistics related to the number of children of divorce and the type of their guardianship have been officially recorded and reported, and the examination of the trends of these data shows significant differences in the aforementioned subjects. However, in Iran, official data registration centers such as the Iranian Statistics Center and the country's civil registration organization, followed by statistical yearbooks, do not include information about the rate of children of divorce and their guardianship pattern.

Increasing the average age of marriage and divorce of women and men

The number of divorces remained almost constant between 1392 and 1404; Even the divorce rate index of married people shows that the rate of divorce in 1403 compared to 1392 has decreased somewhat. But if we consider a longer period of time, the trend of divorce has been upward; For example, the raw rate of divorce in 2005 was equal to 94,000 cases, and the divorce rate of married people was 5.7 cases per thousand married women.

The average age of marriage and divorce have both increased, but the average age of divorce has increased more than the average age of marriage, which indicates the increase in life expectancy of Iranian couples. For example, based on the data of 2016, 40% of divorces occurred in the first five years of life, while this ratio reached 36.7% and 29.5% for 2018 and 2014, respectively. Also, in the studied years, the average age of divorce for women and men was 32.7 and 37.5 years, respectively, while the average age of parents at the birth of a child for women and men was 29.4 and 34.2 years, respectively, and this average for the birth of the first child was 27.2 and 32 years.

Many Iranian couples have children at the time of divorce

In other words, the average age of divorce for women and men is higher than the average age of parents at the time of their child's birth and the first birth of their child. Therefore, many Iranian couples have children at the time of divorce. Of course, this estimate is at the level of a strong and reasonable hypothesis and cannot be considered as a definite scientific result. Divorce and its increase in recent decades are associated with the growth of the number of children affected by divorce and the increase of their vulnerability.

Research evidence indicates a significant correlation between parental divorce and a wide range of negative outcomes for children; The consequences that occur not only in childhood and adolescence, but also continue into adulthood and affect various aspects of their mental, behavioral, academic and social health. Considering this sensitivity, how to protect children against the damages caused by divorce and guarantee their growth is a subject to be considered and investigated.

Legal records of issues related to divorce

One of the most important laws in this field is the constitution, which is mentioned in its 21st principle that the government is obliged to guarantee women's rights in all respects in accordance with Islamic standards, and to do things such as protecting mothers, especially during child custody, and to grant guardianship of children to worthy mothers in case of their jealousy and in the absence of a legal guardian.

Also, according to the article of the law on the structure of the comprehensive system of welfare and social security, it is mentioned to establish social security in matters such as supporting mothers, especially during child custody.

In general, the most important issues that have been considered in the civil law are the general principle of custody, the prohibition of taking a child from the parents, the priority of custody in the case of parental separation, cases of loss of custody of the mother, the obligation of parents to maintain the child, the role of the court in cases of refusal of custody, deprivation of custody due to danger to the child and visitation rights.

The family protection law and its implementation regulations emphasize the best interests of the child, maintaining mental health, determining the exact costs and meeting conditions, executive guarantees, determining the appropriate mechanism for the meeting, and the use of experts and expert observers. Also, mechanisms for changing custody, preventing unauthorized transfer and delaying the execution of the sentence in necessary cases have been foreseen.

The Law on the Protection of Children and Adolescents and its executive regulations cover a wide range of issues, the most important of which are the definition of a child and an adolescent, the determination of risky situations that require intervention, the drawing up of institutions in charge of the protection of children and adolescents, the obligation to use social workers in the process of evaluating children and parents, the duty of the welfare organization to monitor the implementation of family court orders, identifying and screening students at risk in the education system, and predicting the mechanisms for keeping children in a dangerous situation or Victims in welfare centers.

Also, the children of divorce can be exposed to the damages caused by it, whether before, after or during divorce; For example, in the process of divorce, parental conflicts begin before going to the courts; From this point of view, their children may witness the continuous violence of their parents, or their parents may neglect or neglect their legal and religious duties towards them.

In the pre-divorce stage, the role of non-judicial institutions such as educational and support institutions is prominent. The main goal is to identify children and adolescents at risk and support them and their families, although the role of educational and support institutions is important in the stage of divorce and after, but at this stage the role of the judiciary is the most prominent, because in relation to custody, how it is, issues related to custody such as maintenance costs, visitation, etc., judicial decisions must be made and legal requirements issued.

In the post-divorce stage, the duties of the institutions change from decision-making to implementation and supervision on the one hand and support and intervention on the other hand. In the jurisdiction, an important challenge is the reluctance of parents and other guardians to enforce orders such as preventing visitation, which laws try to deal with through punitive means such as arrest or deprivation of custody. Also, at this stage, the role of educational and support institutions in the field of supporting children of divorce is prominent. Of course, the type of support can be different compared to the stages before and during the divorce; For example, the needs and type of education and support that should be provided for children exposed to parental divorce are different from children whose parents are divorced. Of course, based on the review of sources and interviews, laws and regulations in the field of supporting children of divorce face the following challenges.

About 20 to 25 percent of children of divorce are injured

Before examining the damages caused by divorce for children, it is necessary to mention a few points;

Among other things, not all children are harmed by divorce and some of them show adaptability and resilience; According to studies, about 20 to 25 percent of children of divorce are harmed, but this rate is stronger than many known relationships such as the relationship between smoking and cancer, therefore, by identifying this group of children in time, along with the necessary support, their vulnerability can be reduced.

In some cases, especially when children experience severe family conflict, they perform better after divorce.

- Damages caused by divorce for children usually start before the divorce, that is, when the parents' conflicts start and the children learn about their decision to separate, and continue after that.

- All damages do not necessarily appear immediately after divorce, but some of them may appear at a later age, such as youth or adulthood. In other words, divorce damages may accumulate over time and reach a peak in adulthood; Also, in each stage of development, some of these injuries are experienced in a different way.

Harmful consequences of divorce for children

At the same time, it should be kept in mind that every child and every family have unique characteristics and differ from each other in terms of personality structure and the level of access to social, emotional and economic resources. Despite these variations, divorce can have significant consequences on the child's future competencies in various areas such as family relationships, academic performance, emotional well-being and earning capacity in adulthood. Based on the findings of existing researches, the most harmful consequences of divorce for children can be divided into several categories.

Also, the damages of divorce and even the way children experience and understand divorce are different in different stages of their lives. The most prominent of these differences are as follows.

Also, although both sexes are exposed to the social harms of divorce, some of these harms take on a gendered color; In such a way that girls tend to internalize problems such as lower self-esteem, depression, anxiety, or other harms such as risky relationships, early marriage, and feelings of shame. On the other hand, boys show the extraversion pattern such as aggression, delinquency, risky behaviors, increase in early death, incomplete employment, leaving the labor market and unemployment.

In this regard, in the report of the Majlis Research Center, the factors and mechanisms that aggravate the vulnerability of children in the divorce process have been analyzed based on scientific sources:

Reduction of parenting abilities of parents and their relationship with children: Divorce changes the structure and function of the family institution as the main platform for the child's growth and socialization. One of the consequences of this change is the reduction of parental adequacy. This means that parents suffer from reduced capacity in their roles due to being involved in erosive processes such as emotional tension, financial stress and the pressures caused by divorce crisis management. In this situation, the parents' capacities to continue positive parenting styles such as empathic support, applying stable discipline and responding to the child's developmental needs are reduced. In this situation, parent-child interactions change from order and calm to confused and sometimes hostile interactions where parents may unconsciously get involved in expressing their anger, grief or personal depression and stop playing the role of a safe support for their children. This functional drop in parenting skills causes direct damage to the child's mental health.

The lack of stability in behavioral management and the reduction of emotional investment, especially from the non-custodial parent, transforms the child's mental space from a safe and predictable space to a threatening environment. This instability in parenting is associated with impaired secure attachment and decreased self-control in children. When a child encounters parents who are incapable of crisis management at a time when they need support more than ever, this can lead to identity confusion and poor emotional regulation. As a result of these gaps, they not only make the growth platform unsafe for the child, but also cause a range of secondary damages such as anxiety, aggression, poor academic performance and, in the long run, ineffective communication patterns in the child's future interpersonal relationships.

Decrease in household income and increase in socio-economic deprivation: Divorce usually leads to a drop in financial resources, limited welfare and educational facilities, and sometimes forced relocation to more unsuitable neighborhoods and living conditions. In such situations, many of the child's basic needs such as nutrition, clothing, health care, continued education, and access to developmental/enhancing activities are at risk.

On the other hand, the economic pressure forces the custodial parent, especially the mother, to work more hours or get involved in earning a living, and this reduces the time, energy and quality of his relationship with the child. As a result, compassionate supervision, emotional support and educational stability are weakened and the child is deprived of the feeling of family support and psychological security to some extent in addition to material deprivation.

Exposure to parental conflicts: In high-conflict families, divorce can be beneficial for children, and they are better off after separation than staying in an environment full of hostility; But in low-conflict families, divorce as an unexpected, inexplicable and unpleasant event brings severe damage. Because the child has no mental background for the collapse of the family and loses his emotional and structural support all at once. On the other hand, in high-risk families where chronic and open conflict between parents continues, children are exposed to stress that not only weakens their emotional security, but also by creating a dilemma of loyalty, weakening the role of the parent as a legitimate protector, fuels the formation of insecure attachment, chronic anxiety, externalization and internalization problems. Also, unresolved conflicts before divorce usually continue after separation and weaken the quality of co-parenting and keep children trapped between parental hostility for years.

Residential Instability: After divorce, economic pressure and changing living arrangements lead families to frequent residential moves, each move not only meaning a loss of home, but also a disconnection from school, friends, teachers, and support networks. This instability, which is accompanied by a decrease in attachment, commitment, trust, and informal support from the family, school, and neighborhood, deprives the child of vital resources for growth and puts the child at the highest level of risk, especially when it coincides with divorce.

Also, relocation increases the physical distance with the non-custodial parent, which itself leads to the weakening of his emotional relationship and support.

Multiple family transitions: Family transitions, including remarriage and divorce, are another predictor of children's vulnerability. The main mechanism of damage here is the accumulation of stress and frequent loss of emotional and social relationships and supports; Each new transfer confronts the child with the need to adapt to adoptive parents, step-siblings, new family rules, and sometimes residential and school relocation, all of which deepen the child's sense of insecurity, rejection, and identity confusion.

Being stigmatized: The stigma or label of "divorce child" causes the child to face suspicious, reproachful or derogatory glances at school, in the neighborhood among his peers, which makes him stand out from others and sometimes rejected. This stigma damages the child's social identity and gradually makes him believe that he is "different" or "less valuable" than his peers, which leads to consequences such as reduced self-esteem, negative self-concept, pessimism and mistrust of others. In addition, children of divorce are exposed to harassment and abuse from those around them, which can include rejection by friends, ridicule, gossip, and even verbal or physical violence.

Hostile environment of the court and neglect of children's developmental needs: The hostile environment and the win-lose nature of lawsuits encourage parents to exaggerate, distort and continue conflicts, and unintentionally make the child caught in the middle of lawsuits and put them in a dilemma of loyalty. Also, some judges and lawyers' lack of understanding of children's developmental needs, along with their disregard for these needs and their non-participation in related decisions, has caused the child to be divided between parents like an "asset" and inflexible plans are imposed on him that are not in harmony with his age, interests, daily routine, friends, and academic and extracurricular activities. Also, due to reasons such as the win-lose nature of the existing legal system, vague standards about the best interests of the child, and the lack of credits and human resources, the judicial system intensifies the conflict between parents.

The amount of damage caused by divorce largely depends on the severity of the mentioned causes and their stability; The greater the intensity and stability of these factors and the less available social interventions and support for children and their parents in environments such as school and the judicial system, the more likely harm will occur. On the other hand, although divorce is considered a crisis for children, resilient children can recover within a period of about one to three years and resume their normal development path, provided that parents can resolve their differences without conflict; Fair financial arrangements and that the child has continuous and meaningful contact with both parents in the following years.