Hello, Molly? Kelly Clarkson's Favorite $15 Million Bird Finally Breaks His Silence (Exclusive)
As the showdown between the pop star and the Brooklyn toy store continues, the expensive gadget at the center of the scandal wants to get something off his (wooden) chest.
I don't watch TV, I read more, I go to a show, I see a clown. So I only had a vague idea of who Kelly Clarkson was. I knew she was in a talent show with Justin Guarini, who I know from theater work.
On October 10, Ms. Clarkson walked into Art of Play, the Brooklyn curiosity shop where I live. He spent less than five minutes here and caused quite a stir. He asked a sales associate if he could buy I, Molly, the store's mascot, and was duly informed that although it was impossible, he could contact artist Bliss Kolb to request a $15,000 replica. Bliss, of course, makes mechanical cranks that mimic living things, like daytime talk show hosts.
Why did Pablo Torre want to investigate Kelly Clarkson's bird gate? "It had the makings of a modern morality play."
Kelly Clarkson's wanted bird has been sold for $15 million after a Brooklyn store changed its mind.
The first clue that I wasn't for sale might be that I'm mounted on the wall. Other items not for sale in Game Art include lighting fixtures, a closet, and a sign that says "Game Art," which is also inquired about by a number of people, almost all of them gay men. I'm sure Ms. Clarkson would like an Oompa Loompa too, but we don't sell those either.
Why does a store have items that are not for sale? Maybe Ms. Clarkson has never been to Brooklyn. None of the items in any of the stores here are for sale. They are like a yogurt shop and a frozen doll store under Barbra Streisand We are all funded by our parents, some of whom are Barbra Streisand.
Ms. Clarkson posted on X that she was "literally looked at like I can't afford it and told she could find me something comparable. Wow, dude. You're an idiot and you've just lost a lot of sales. But if you're sick of being treated like Julia Roberts Woman in the movie, you need to see Acting in Brooklyn."
Although I haven't seen Pretty Woman or any of Garry Marshall's work except for his excellent performance in Lost in America, I have since watched the clip he referred to and found the comparison confusing. If Julia Roberts walked into the bag in 1990 wearing a white crop top attached to a blue mini skirt with a silver o-ring, I would have jumped on her bag. As security footage discovered by Pablo Torre's podcast shows, Ms. Clarkson was wearing the same hideous outfit as every other Art of Play customer. Maybe now the owners will listen to my request for a dress code. Then again, one of them wrote the children's book Dragons Love Tacos, so I'm not holding my breath. Unless you don't let me down
This is not Karen's first entry into Art of Play. A white woman asked to speak to the manager about how the $1,200 cheer machine wasn't clapping for her. Another complained after asking for help solving a $185 egg-shaped puzzle and we jokingly offered to "listen."
The online kerfuffle had Clarkson supporters doxing our owners and sending them death threats, prompting the Retail, Wholesale and Department Store Union to issue an official statement defending us against the celebrity mob. America is sadly divided between people who kneel at the altar of TV celebrity and those who want to sneak into a secret theater behind a curiosity shop and see Jay Gilligan's magic show "Tales About Gravity."
Before you decide whose side you're on, let me remind you of what Voltaire said about a small animatronic wooden duck from 1764 created by artist Jacques de Vaucanson that could eat, digest, and excrete. "Without ... duck and canson, you would have nothing to remind you of the glory of France," he said. Replace "France" with "America" and "Duck Walkson" with "Kelly Clarkson" and it's really funny.
Part of the reason I write is because once you get me thinking, I can't stop. but also to warn other institutions about Ms. Clarkson. The Louvre may want to put more guards around the Mona Lisa in preparation for her visit.
We've now posted an ironic $15 million price tag, because by law we can only do ironic things in Brooklyn. But also because we think Blake Shelton might actually buy it for her.
Ms. Clarkson is now staying at a hotel in Las Vegas, a place I'm as likely to visit as Manhattan. I hope he finds comfort with the wooden toys he got there, maybe a Thomas the Tank Engine. This is not the city for a bird with a wooden worm gear, with a star gear and eight cams, each employing a lever that controls a stroke, or a leather tail that carries air through a brass whistle whose pitch is varied by a piston operated by its own lever and cam.
All of this is a media distraction from what we really need to talk about, which is Palestine. As a privileged wooden bird, I feel a responsibility to use my animatronic voice in solidarity with oppressed people, birds, toys, toy birds and bird toys. As another famous wooden toy once said, "No strings on me!" Although for $15 million, I'm willing to read whatever you want.
CAA Co-Chair Kevin Hovan dedicated the Angel Food Van project to his late father.